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Breaking up is (super) hard to do

Divorce and breakups – Breaking up with a spouse, lover or close friend can be devastating, leaving you lost, disoriented and confused.  At LifeWorks, we understand the pain and suffering of losing an important relationship. Divorce and breakups are devastating life events. Individuals and families experiencing divorce often feel they’re wandering around in a confusion of awful feelings, looking for the new normal.

People going through a divorce or breakup often experience a number of common if unsettling feelings

  • Pain
  • Anger
  • Shame
  • Fear
  • Guilt
  • Loneliness

You’re not alone. All of these feelings are normal during this very difficult time. If you seek help, there is hope.

So what’s around the bend?  Divorce recovery – and recovery from any breakup – comes in phases.

Year One: Year of Devastation. You may experience

  • a catastrophic sense of loss
  • severe disorientation
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • insomnia
  • weight changes
  • overwhelming levels of fear, anger and pain
  • feeling as though everything in your life is in a state of flux
  • inability or reluctance to go back to work
  • difficulty dealing with your kids’ trauma as they change schools or leave friends

This is the most difficult phase of a divorce or breakup. It’s crucial that you seek help during this first year. Are you ready to reach out?

Year Two: Year of Recovery

After the initial year of devastation, in which disorientation rules the day, the second year is characterized by adjustment and recovery (yay!)

  • decisions should be a little less agonizing
  • nightmarish fears begin to subside
  • allow yourself to grieve, learn, and begin to accept the changes in your life
  • the tears begun to move from panic and hysteria to healing tears of pain and loss
  • revenge seem less attractive
  • you may be beginning to find a new identity
  • you feel ready to begin exploring the possibilities

Counseling in this phase focuses on re-constructing your life – adjusting and growing in this new reality.

Year of Recovery Coping Suggestion: Pick out something you’ve always wanted to do (finish college? take horseback riding lessons?) and do it!

Year Three: Year of Renewal. This is the year you’ve been waiting for. You may be experiencing

  • personal and spiritual growth
  • excitement about putting down new roots
  • an interest in dating and relationships
  • a desire to reclaim lost dreams, or even cultivate new ones

Year of Renewal Coping Suggestion: Spend a day alone (your wedding anniversary, perhaps) going through old photographs and memorabilia from your marriage. Keep the things that are associated with good memories and throw away the rest.

Every individual experiences these phases at their own rate. No matter what phase of recovery you are in, Lifeworks can help. At LifeWorks, we want to help find that elusive door to recovery and walk through it. Are you ready to seek help? Call Lifeworks today! Divorce counseling can help.

 

Resources:

Divorce Help for Women
Divorce Help for Fathers and Men
Divorce Care
Divorce Recovery 101