Have you ever googled “reasons to get couples counseling”? Yeah, we get it. More than a third of our clients at Lifeologie reach out for help because they’re searching for marriage or couples counseling. Research shows that couples typically wait seven years before they reach out for help, long after they realize they actually need it. That’s seven! If any of these common reasons resonate with you, it may be time to call:
1) Unfair Fighting – The #1 reason why couples seek therapy is to get help with their conflicts. More than just resolving “what” they fight about, couples often need help with “how” to fight better. And it makes sense. No other issue can get addressed unless communication is healthy and effective.
2) Priorities & Values Misalignment – Recurring conflicts is an indication that couples are deeply misaligned on some of the most important issues in life. These issues include parenting, in-law boundaries, roles and responsibilities, money, and sex. Couples often waste time and energy trying to put out fires rather than addressing what started the fires in the first place.
3) Unresolved Hurts – Like old garbage, unresolved hurts cause all kinds of issues in marriage. Couples often avoid conflict or if they get into it, their conflicts become ineffective and even destructive. Because of that, hurts tend not to get resolved. When they linger and build up over time, resentment builds, and eventually, couples go from feeling a sense of “we-ness” to a “me vs. you” mentality.
4) Lack of Personal Growth – People tend to stall out in their own growth and maturity when they get married. When you’re single, you typically only have yourself to focus on and improve. When you’re married, it’s much easier to divert your attention to your spouse and make them the focal point of your issues in life. Perhaps the hardest thing to accomplish in couples work is helping each spouse commit to working on and improving themselves, rather than trying to fix their spouse.
Does any of this ring a bell? Hit us up because we’ve got decades of experience working on these issues and plenty of therapists and ways to help. Don’t wait. The longer you do, the harder it is to undo.
In the coming weeks, we will dig deeper into each of these areas – stay tuned!