You just found out your partner has been having an affair. For many, it feels like you’ve been punched as hard as possible in the gut, or like your breath was just taken out of you. You’re probably asking yourself, “what do I do now?”
Take some time for yourself.
No really, take some time for yourself. Call in sick to work. Do your best to eat meals, drink water, and sleep. Reach out to the people closest to you. You know, the ones that ALWAYS have your back. Reach out to the person that will support whatever decision you decide to make, whether that means staying or leaving.
Now that you’ve had a chance to catch your breath, you’re probably going to go through a million questions in your head. You probably can’t fathom forgiving them.
“Is this the end? How could they? I don’t want to get divorced. I have no other choice, do I? What did I do to deserve this? Can we salvage this?”
Eventually, you’re going to feel the urge to decide whether you want to stay and work through it or leave your partner. It’s OKAY to not know what you want to do. You have a million thoughts going through your head and they are all VALID. If you decide that you’re curious enough about what you can salvage, let’s explore some of the questions people ask in couples therapy.
You can discuss what direction you want to pursue, whether that be an amicable breakup/divorce, or whether you want to stay together and start anew. As stated above, it’s OKAY to not have all the answers right away. Therapy creates a non-judgemental space for you to talk out your thoughts, no matter how far-fetched they may seem.
No matter how angry or blaming both partners can be, when it comes to parenting, the children come first. Agreeing together how you want to parent and support each other in front of the children is crucial to the post-split adjustment.
Counseling can open the doors to information about your partner that you never knew. Exploring each other’s pasts can create a new-found perspective on why an affair happened in the first place and create new ideas on how to lock down your relationship for life.
Recovering from infidelity can be incredibly hard. Counseling allows the space for you to discuss the most complicated issues and work through the toughest emotional hardships TOGETHER. The path to relationship satisfaction is through hard work together. You can rebuild trust, air grievances, heal together, explore ideas in how to rebuild intimacy, and create a path forward hand-in-hand.
If even an ounce of you believes there’s a chance you can work through an affair and come out the other side stronger than ever, please give your relationship a chance and ask for help. The hardest trials of life can yield the most rewarding pay-off. If you have any questions about infidelity and whether or not you can work through it with your partner, please call us at (616)-929-0248.
Nick believes that there is no unlovable person (not. a. single. one.) and that everyone deserves to have fulfilling relationships. He believes in always being authentic and loves to have spontaneous deep conversations with others. Nick specializes in working with couples, marriages, and families. If you think you might be having some relationship struggles, Nick is your guy.
At a time when mental health services are more important than ever, Lifeologie Counseling Grand Rapids is offering remote therapy, remote group and mini-sessions, and free 15 minute sessions for front-line workers.