What Are The Signs & Symptoms of Abandonment Issues?
Your fear of abandonment may present itself in a constellation of self-destructive relationship beliefs and habits, which often include:
Plaguing sensations of worthlessness, inadequacy, vulnerability, or insecurity that result in rash, self-sabotaging or destructive behaviors. For example:
- Distancing yourself from your partners before they can distance themselves from you
- Compulsively texting or calling a partner’s phone because you crave relationship reassurance—when smothering your partner only serves to push him or her further away.
Gloom & Doom: Obsessively catastrophizing about breakups, infidelity, or betrayals
Relationship Patterns: Past partners have characterized you as clingy, controlling, possessive, or manipulative.
Possessiveness & Distrust: The green-eyed monster, jealousy, is your best friend and most constant nemesis. You might:
- Feel threatened by innocent encounters and acquaintanceships—even interests—that your partner may develop.
- Irrationally accuse your partner of cheating (without a logical justification for suspecting his or her infidelity).
Ruminating about past episodes of abandonment leads you to form a pessimistic view of people that highlights their perceived flaws instead of their admirable traits.
Codependency (or Love Addiction): forming instantaneous and intense attachments to romantic partners or friends, even when the relationship is mutually unhealthy to you both.
Emotional Self-Harm: Low self-esteem urges you to continually seek out emotionally unavailable, abusive, or destructive partners, thus perpetuating the “abandonment” cycle.
People-pleasing: You try (even if you often fail miserably) to internalize your feelings on any emotionally-charged subject that could possibly endanger your relationship.
Mood Swings: Because living in a constant state of fear makes us all a little unpredictable sometimes!
Self-Loathing: You berate yourself after relenting to that nagging voice in your head that persuades to set all of your relationships to detonate—Ka POW!
How do abandonment issues develop?
Abandonment issues can be particularly difficult to overcome because their foundations are usually laid in childhood, when inconsistent or inadequate care and early experiences of loss can have their profoundest impact on interpersonal development.
Environmental factors from childhood that influence our fear of abandonment in adulthood may include:
- Enduring trauma; physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; and neglec
- Unstable family dynamics, including:
- Parental abandonment, absence, or inconsistent presence
- Witnessing spousal abuse
- Parental alcoholism or drug addiction
- The chronic physical or mental illness of a family member
- Death of a parent or loved one
Is My Fear Of Abandonment Destroying My Relationships?
Have you ever dated a person who seemed tailor-made to destroy your self-esteem? For people with a fear of abandonment, falling in love is like navigating a minefield of self-destruction. We have a tendency to constantly seek out partners who reinforce our worst opinions of ourselves—and of humankind’s capacity to love, in general. And when we do find an actual keeper? Nothing could be more terrifying! We progress from self-crippling by dating unsuitable partners to self-sabotaging our chances for success in our healthiest of relationships. That’s because insecurity and a fear of loss are explosive combinations—like flicking a lighted match into a vat of gasoline. In therapy, we usually witness the fear of abandonment expressing itself in 3 different coping styles:
Disconnecting yourself from emotional attachments before you can become too invested in your own happiness; playing emotional tug-of-war with your partner and oscillating between starry-eyed in love to stony-hearted and indifferent
Suffocating your partner with your demands for relationship reassurance… and succumbing to self-loathing in the aftermath
A core feature of Borderline Personality Disorder; occurs when your terror of being deserted by a partner deceives you into committing calculated acts of deceit, designed to maintain control over your partner
How Can Counseling Improve My Relationships?
YES. Although abandonment issues commonly have deep roots that emanate from childhood—fortunately—an array of therapeutic interventions have demonstrated their effectiveness for managing relationship anxiety. Depending upon your need, your therapist may recommend a combination of:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
replaces unconstructive or pessimistic thought patterns that perpetuate your fear of abandonment with self-affirming beliefs and modified coping mechanisms.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Particularly useful for individuals who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder; incorporates principles of interpersonal skill development, communication, and emotional regulation to minimize destructive thought patterns and impulse-behaviors (including self-harm, explosive anger, black and white thinking, manipulation tactics, and more+).
Trauma, Abuse, & Neglect Recovery
Examines childhood foundations and triggering events in adulthood that provoke your panic of being abandoned (including past instances of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, and trauma)
- May employ exposure therapy or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) to treat co-occurring symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Innovative self-relaxation and self-care methods, including psychotherapeutic yoga, mindfulness, meditation, guided relaxation, equine therapy, or expressive arts as therapy
Meet our counselors who specialize in this issue
- Tristyn “Noell” LusterLPC Intern, supervised by Chris Jones, LPC-SDallas & Fort WorthFees: $95 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Abandonment Issues, Adulting, Aging Issues, Anxiety Disorders, Caring for Aging Parents, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Depression, Divorce & Breakups, Failure to Launch, Geriatric Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Newlyweds, Pre-Engagement, Pre-Marital, Young Adults in Transition
- Cori HillLPC-Intern, LMFT Associate, NCC
Supervised by Melanie Wells, LPC-S, LMFT-SDallas & Park Cities$105 per 50 minute session (ask about reduced rates)Specialties: Abandonment Issues, Adulting, Biracial Couples, Blended Families, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Cross-Cultural Relationships, Depression, Divorce & Breakups, Failure to Launch, Family Issues, Female Sexuality, Grief & Loss, Infidelity, Interfaith Relationships, Last-Ditch Marital, LGBTQ & Gender Issues, LGBTQ Couples, Male Sexuality, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Men's Issues, Multi-Cultural Issues, Newlyweds, Parental Alienation, Pre-Engagement, Pre-Marital, Quarter-Life Issues, Relationship Issues, Sex & Sexuality, Sex Therapy, Social Anxiety, Stress Management, Tweens & Teens, Women's Issues, Young Adults, Young Adults in Transition
- LPC, LPC supervisorDallas & Fort Worth$165 per 50 minute sessionSpecialties: Abuse Recovery, Adolescents, Adulting, Anxiety Disorders, Complex Trauma Recovery, Conduct Discorder, Depression, EMDR, Failure to Launch, Men's Issues, Oppositional Defiance, Parenting, PTSD Recovery, Quarter-Life Issues, Young Adults in Transition
- LPCDallas & Fort WorthFees:
Therapy: $130 per session
Yoga: $70 per hour session
$90 per 1.5 hour sessionSpecialties: ADHD, Adolescents, Adulting, Anxiety Disorders, Bullying, Child Counseling, Child or Play Therapy, Cutting, Depression, EMDR, Grief & Loss, Self Harm, Stress Management, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma & Abuse Recovery, Tweens & Teens, Yoga Therapy
- LPC, LMFTDallas Office$185 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Adoption & Foster Care, Blended Families, Business Partner Counseling, Christian Counseling, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Divorce & Breakups, Family Issues, Infidelity, Last-Ditch Marital, Marriage Counseling, Parental Alienation, Women's Issues
- Psychotherapeutic YogaDallas OfficeFees: $105 for 50 min sessionSpecialties: ADHD, Adolescents, Anxiety Disorders, Ayurveda & Lifestyle, Body Picking, Complex Trauma Recovery, Depression, Eating Disorders, Insomnia, Meditation, Mindfulness Training, Psychotherapeutic Yoga, PTSD Recovery, Stress Management, Trichotillomania, Women's Issues, Yoga Therapy
- LMFTDallas & Fort Worth$125 per 50 minute sessionSpecialties: Business Partner Counseling, Couples Counseling, Female Sexuality, Infidelity, LGBTQ & Gender Issues, LGBTQ Couples, Male Sexuality, Marriage & Gender, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Newlyweds, Parenting, Pre-Marital, Sex Therapy, Sexual Identity, Women's Issues
- Greeter and
Registered Therapy DogDallas & Park Citiesone Cheerio per session
- Greeter and
Registered Therapy DogDallas & Park Citiesone Cheerio per session
- LPC, LCDC-InternDallas & Fort WorthFees;
Therapy: $130 per 50 min
Veteran/Military discount: $65 per 50 minute session Psychotherapeutic yoga:
$90 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Addiction & Substance Abuse, Anxiety Disorders, Behavioral Addictions, Depression, Drug and Alcohol Abuse, Eating Disorders, EMDR, Mindfulness Training, Psychotherapeutic Yoga, PTSD Recovery, Stress Management, Trauma & Abuse Recovery, Veterans & Military, Yoga Therapy
- LPC Intern, supervised by Ly Tran, LPC-SFrisco & Plano/RichardsonFees: $105 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Addiction & Substance Abuse, Anxiety Disorders, Christian Counseling, Christian Marriage Counseling, Couples Counseling, Dealing with OCD, Depression, Divorce & Breakups, Major Depression, Marriage Counseling, Newlyweds, Relationship Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, suicide prevention
- LPC Intern, LCDC-Intern Supervised by
Melanie Wells, LPC-S, LMFT-SDallas & Fort WorthFees: $125 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Adulting, Anxiety Disorders, Attachment, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Divorce & Adjustment, Enneagram, Failure to Launch, Female Sexuality, Infidelity, Last-Ditch Marital, Millenial Relationships, Newlyweds, Pre-Engagement, Pre-Marital, Women's Issues, Young Adults in Transition
- LPC Intern, LCDC Intern Supervised by
Chris Jones, LPC-SFort Worth Office$90 per 50 min sessionSpecialties: Addiction & Substance Abuse, Body Image, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Grief & Loss, LGBTQ & Gender Issues, LGBTQ Couples, New Parents, Pre-Marital, Pregnancy Issues, Self Harm, Young Adults in Transition
- LPC Intern Supervised by
Chris Jones, LPC-SFort Worth Office$90 per 50 minute sessionSpecialties: Addiction & Substance Abuse, Adolescents, Ayurveda & Lifestyle, Bipolar Disorder, Child Counseling, Child or Play Therapy, Childhood Abuse Recovery, Codependency Issues, Depression, Divorce & Breakups, Failure to Launch, Family Issues, Men's Issues, Mindfulness Training, Mood Disorders, New Parents, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy Issues, Sexual Identity, Tweens & Teens, Yoga Therapy
- LPCDallas & Fort WorthFees: $130 for 50 min sessionSpecialties: Addiction & Substance Abuse, Adulting, Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Biracial Couples, Borderline Personality, Codependency Issues, Couples Counseling, Cross-Cultural Relationships, Depression, EMDR, Families & Mental Illness, Men's Issues, Multi-Cultural Issues, Quarter-Life Issues, Relationship Issues, Schizophrenia, Women's Issues, Young Adults in Transition