People Pleasing During the Holidays

1 min read

Pressure During the Holiday Season

As the holiday season continues to be in full swing, those of us who identify as people pleasers may find ourselves experiencing a variety of worsening emotions including stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. Why, you may ask? Along with all the cheer and joy that the holidays should bring, comes an inordinate number of extra people that we may feel the need to keep pleased and avoid conflict with. If, like me, you are beginning to feel the annual holiday, people-pleasing fatigue, here are some things you may also need to hear. 

You are not responsible for the emotions of others. You have many responsibilities during this holiday season. Those of us who are inclined to people-pleasing behavior are also likely to be cooking, buying gifts, and maybe even preparing our home for guests. In your long list of responsibilities, your loved ones’ emotions do not belong. It is not your job to manage the emotions of everyone to keep them happy and avoid all conflict. This holiday season do not sacrifice your own joy and peace to take on the emotional burdens of others. 

Let go of control. There are many things that could lay at the heart of people pleasing tendencies. For me, there seems to be a need to maintain control of my environment to avoid conflict to stay safe. The truth is that we cannot control others. We are wasting our energy trying. And, as we discussed in the last blog post, control is an enemy of connection. So connect and let it go as our favorite Disney snow queen might say. 

Lastly, you are valuable and loveable, and you do not need to prove it to anyone. Your loved ones should still love and care about you for who you are beneath everything you do for them. You should not need to have to keep everyone pleased to receive love. If you do, it may be time to reevaluate some relationships. 

Three things to implement: take care of your actual responsibilities, not the extra ones. Let life happen to you because it will anyway. Know that you are loveable and valuable without pleasing everyone around you. So, take a deep breath, grab your favorite warm holiday beverage, and hug someone you love. We can do this!

About Alyssa King

Alyssa works to create a safe space for individuals, couples, and families to grow and be empowered to make desired changes in their lives. As a preschool teacher for 5+ years, her passion to help struggling children and families coping with difficult situations ignited.

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