How important is identity development? For teens, learning self-acceptance and self-compassion in the age of social media can have a crucial impact on their mental health.
When I think of my middle school and early high school years, I think “identity crisis!” Trying to decide who I was and where I belonged was a hard journey I have grown from over time.
Most of us spent middle school and high school trying to fit in with a group of people we connected with. Feelings of nervousness, self-consciousness, and fear of rejection are all relatable emotions when we conjure up that time period. Whether we succeeded in finding acceptance or not is a different story, and may have resulted in damaged self-esteem and ongoing questions about our identity.
For teenagers, identity development is a huge part of growing up. It’s a time where teens independently form the basis of who they are. This includes everything from music taste to appearance to value systems to sexual orientation and gender identity. Family and social influences blend these aspects of identity and, while normal, it can be a time of confusion and stress for young people.
Unfortunately, teens don’t get to explore who they are in a vacuum. Their identities are on display to be scrutinized and judged by everyone. With the inclusion of social media, serious harm to self-esteem seems hard to prevent. On platforms like TikTok and Instagram how people portray themselves can be far removed from reality. Even for adults it is easy to self-compare to social media influencers who appear to have it all figured out. Seeing these accounts creates a disconnect for teens who feel the pressure of having to be perfect or acting a certain way for acceptance. If they’re not able to emulate the people they admire on social media, then feelings of self-esteem and self-image decline making it more difficult for self-acceptance.
Pressure also comes from the real world. Whether it’s from parents, friends, or academics, aspects of the self are at risk of criticism. Depending on what’s acceptable in a teen’s society, some parts of the self may be suppressed or discouraged. For example, teens growing up in conservative areas may feel unsafe sharing their sexual orientation or gender identity. Some teens may also feel more self-conscious about their appearance if their interests run counter to the majority. In order to fit in and gain acceptance from others, teens may start feeling distressed if they’re not able to be authentic.
All of these struggles can lead to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. This may cause teens to withdraw and isolate, lose motivation, overanalyze situations, and may have negative impacts on academic performance and relationships. Over time these feelings can become overwhelming.
Creating a safe space: As a therapist, I provide a non judgemental space for teens to explore areas of identity openly and safely. I offer empathy and compassion for teens who are struggling to fit in by helping them navigate feelings of confusion, fear, and self-doubt.
Challenging negative thoughts: One facet of my approach is to challenge the negative beliefs teens have about themselves. By focusing on self-critical thoughts, I collaborate with clients to reframe and incorporate a more balanced sense of self.
Building self-esteem: By creating a safe space and challenging negative thoughts we can build a foundation to then work on improving self-esteem. One technique I start with is naming positive traits in others and then ask the client to reflect inwards to identify some of those same traits within themselves. This helps clients shift away from perceived flaws to personal strengths.
Learning self-acceptance is a process that allows identity to continue to evolve as teens move beyond high school, leave home, and pursue their goals. Overcoming self-doubt and embracing authenticity is essential for continued growth.
If you have concerns around your teen’s mental health needs about their self-acceptance and identity development, reach out to me at Lifeologie Counseling Raleigh in North Carolina. My counseling approach thoughtfully blends person-centered therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), solution-focused brief therapy, and mindfulness techniques. CBT helps teens understand how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. Through CBT, teens learn to identify unhelpful thinking patterns and replace them with more balanced, less emotionally charged thoughts. Counseling sessions with me encourage teens to practice healthy coping skills, such as mindfulness, positive self-talk, and effective communication.
Outside North Carolina, you can search for a Lifeologie Counseling therapist who specializes in working with teens near you, or find professional counselors in an online directory, such as Psychology Today.
With professional counseling, teens can experience a safe space to explore identity, increase self-acceptance, and learn skills to feel more in control of who they are. Please reach out if you are concerned about your teen. I have immediate availability for new-client appointments and am in-network with most insurance plans.