Being a new parent for the first time or adding another child to the mix is hard. Like, really, really hard (I promise, it’s okay to say this out loud.)
Parenthood is one of life’s biggest transitions, and it can take a significant toll on a parent’s or caregiver’s mental health. With so much misinformation circulating about intrusive thoughts, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and perinatal psychosis, I find it’s important to understand the differences AND that having intrusive thoughts does not inherently equate a diagnosis of a perinatal-related disorder. Perinatal mental health concerns exist on a spectrum, and “postpartum” is not a diagnosis that encompasses them all.
Information and understanding can help parents and caregivers feel safer seeking support without fear, shame, or judgment.
Research suggests that intrusive thoughts are common among new parents, with studies finding that up to 65% of parents experience them, particularly during the postpartum period.
That number is SO high, right? My goal is always to normalize talking about it both in and out of the therapy space. This hopefully starts to make it easier for people to say, “I’m having a really hard time right now.” What I hear most often, unfortunately, is how scary it can feel to have scary thoughts, let alone say these thoughts out loud to anyone because of the shame and fear attached to them. The more we talk about these experiences, the more we realize we are not alone in them.
Most people experience unwanted or negative thoughts. An intrusive thought is an unwanted, involuntary thought, image, or urge that shows up without warning. I didn’t ask for this thought. These thoughts can be vivid, sneaky, and convincing, especially when they target our deepest fears about parenting.
But here’s the important distinction:
A thought is not an intention, a demand, or a reflection of your character. Intrusive thoughts often conflict with our values and what we actually want. For many people, they come and go without significant distress or impairment. They are just that: thoughts.
Having an intrusive thought does not mean you will act on it, nor does it automatically mean you have a perinatal mental health disorder.
Sometimes, a thought doesn’t just come and go. It can become wrapped in shame, fear, and guilt, leading us to question what the thought means about us as a parent. When negative thoughts become more frequent, feel more believable, and become difficult to challenge or move past, they can start to feel like a core belief: “I am a bad mother.” These beliefs can fuel anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.
When these thoughts begin to affect your day-to-day functioning, your ability to care for yourself or your baby, or your ability to feel connected or bonded with your baby, it may be a sign that you’re experiencing perinatal distress or a perinatal mental health condition.
Consider reaching out for support when:
You don’t wait until you feel like it’s “bad enough” to seek support. If something feels difficult, overwhelming, you’re not feeling like yourself, or it feels like you just need to navigate this big transition, you deserve support. You don’t have to navigate this transition alone. Seeking help doesn’t make you a bad parent, in fact, the opposite, it makes you a good parent, and it’s a way of taking care of yourself and your family.
Stay tuned for my upcoming blogs, where I’ll dive more into perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and perinatal psychosis. In Michigan, you can reach out to book a session with me at Lifeologie Counseling Ada at (616) 929-0248, or find a Lifeologie Counseling therapist near you who can help you work through postpartum and perinatal issues at wefixbrains.com/therapists.