Helpful Resources for Stuck Problems | Lifeologie Counseling

My Child is Sinking and I Don't Know How to Help

Written by Katie McBrayer | Mar, 2023

My 8th-grade son came to me and said, “I think I need to see someone.”  I wasn’t that someone.  I knew he was having a hard time with the divorce, but I didn’t realize how much he was struggling.  I was going through my own stuff and had no idea what to do or how to talk to him about what he was experiencing.  I agreed to make an appointment with a therapist for him as soon as possible.  His friend’s parents called me and said they were concerned about him.  The counselor at his school called me and said I needed to pick him up and have his therapist clear him before he could return to school.  I didn’t know that if a child tells a teacher or counselor at school they are having thoughts of harming themselves or someone, they have to be evaluated and considered stable by a professional before returning to school.  I had to rearrange plans for my daughter’s 16th birthday.  Guilt and fear consumed me.  I wanted to believe he was overreacting or just looking for attention during a time when I was walking my own hard road. Thankfully, he asked for help, and I found someone who could connect with him in his pain and walk us both through that season. 

What I learned is that he needed me to:

  • Show love by facilitating his needs (provide counseling, take breaks when needed)
  • Validate his feelings.  Accept what he was feeling was his experience.  He needed to be seen
  • Be present and sit with him in his darkness    
  • Listen to hear.  He needed to be heard
  • Not try to fix it or make him feel better

Pay attention to these warning signs in your kids:

  • Persistent sadness that lasts two weeks or more
  • Withdrawing from or avoiding social interactions
  • Hurting oneself or talking about hurting oneself
  • Talking about death or suicide
  • Outbursts or extreme irritability
  • Out-of-control behavior that can be harmful
  • Drastic changes in mood, behavior or personality
  • Changes in eating habits
  • Loss of weight
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Frequent headaches or stomach aches
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Changes in academic performance
  • Avoiding or missing school

If you are concerned, make an appointment with your child’s doctor and a mental health professional to get the support both of you need.