Have you ever experienced times when your partner is upset with you and you start feeling overwhelmed, don't know what to say, and feel guilty for upsetting them? You decide it is better to change the subject or go outside. It's like a puzzle that you and your partner can't solve, and neither of you is sure how to bridge the gap. You're not alone. In fact, this is one of the most common reasons couples walk through our doors at Lifeologie Counseling. If you're looking for couples counseling in Durham, NC, I’d like to help you explore the patterns that are keeping you stuck.
Over time, couples can get caught in a perpetual cycle of one partner pursuing and the other partner disconnecting. These emotional cycles can make it seem like there’s no way out, like you’re both trapped in a never-ending puzzle -- longing to connect, but instead, feeling misunderstood or shut out and lacking in emotional closeness. That’s exactly why Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) exists. Developed by Sue Johnson, Ed.D., EFT is a research-backed therapy approach that helps couples untangle painful patterns and rediscover ways to feel close.
In her best-selling book, Hold Me Tight, Johnson shares how one partner may reach for connection and, when it feels out of reach, try even harder, sometimes accidentally pushing their partner further away. Meanwhile, the other might retreat, managing their own fears or overwhelm. It’s a delicate dance, full of longing and push-and-pull, but also hope, because with the right support, these patterns can be transformed into something healing, secure, and deeply fulfilling.
Research shows that EFT isn’t just a hopeful idea, it’s a proven path for couples who want real, lasting change. In fact, studies reveal that about 7 out of 10 couples (70–73%) experience a significant reduction in distress after working through EFT. What’s at the heart of these results? Johnson’s work highlights that most couples aren’t lacking love or effort. They’re simply caught up in cycles that hide their deeper need for secure emotional connection. When that need is finally addressed in couples therapy, partners don’t just fix conflicts, they rediscover the warmth, trust, and attachment they truly crave.
Many couples are understandably anxious about starting the process of couples therapy. Here’s what to expect in EFT therapy with me:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers couples a path to reconnect, heal old wounds, and build a secure emotional bond that lasts. By understanding the patterns that keep you stuck and learning to turn toward one another with empathy and care, lasting change becomes possible.
I believe every couple experiences seasons of celebration, challenge, and growth. In my couples counseling sessions, I provide a safe, private space to share stories, recognize pain, identify goals, and build plans for change. My role is to meet each couple where they are and compassionately support their wellness journey. If you and your partner are ready to strengthen your connection and communicate with more understanding, I’m here to help at Lifeologie Counseling Durham. Outside North Carolina, you can search our directory to find a couples therapist near you.
You can do this! Schedule a couples counseling session today or call us at (919) 900-7552 and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.