The Four Parenting Powers: Use ‘Em Wisely!

The Four Parenting Powers: Use ‘Em Wisely!

From the moment you bring that wiggly, absolutely perfect little human into the world, you, dear parent, are bestowed with four very special parental powers: physical power, positional power, resource power, relationship power. These conduits are your secret weapons in shaping your child’s behavior, character, and (hopefully) their willingness to put their shoes on the first time you ask. Let’s break them down!

the secret weapons of parenting

1. Physical Power: The Might of the Parent!
   Ah, the early years—when you can scoop them up mid-tantrum, place things on high shelves, and install enough baby-proofing to make Fort Knox jealous. Physical power means you can physically control situations (think: toddler wrangling and strategically placing cookies just out of reach). But, spoiler alert: this power is fleeting and the first to go! One day, they’ll be taller than you and suddenly, your ability to “put them on your hip and walk away” will be nothing but a distant memory.
   
   
2. Positional Power: Because ‘I Said So’ Still Works (For Now)
   Positional power is the influence you have simply because you are The Parent. You make the rules, you set the bedtime, and you dole out sage advice. The catch? Kids don’t always see you as the ultimate authority in every arena. Ever told your child exactly how to kick the soccer ball, only to have them nod politely and wait for Coach to say the exact same thing? Yep, positional power is location-specific. Enjoy it while it lasts, because as they grow, their world expands—and suddenly, teachers, bosses, and influencers will start stealing your thunder.
   
   
3. Resource Power: The Art of the Give-and-Take
   Resource power is all about control over the goods—whether that’s time-outs, screen time, car keys, allowance, or access to that mystical WiFi password. You can grant privileges or revoke them, and it works! (Most of the time.) But, as they get older and gain independence, this power starts to fade. When they start earning their own money, driving their own car, or moving out, resource power won’t have the same grip.
   
   
4. Relationship Power: The One That Lasts
   Relationship power is the influence you have simply because your child cares about what you think. They respect your opinion, not because you can ground them, but because they trust and value your guidance. Remember: This is the power that remains when all others fade.

As Uncle Ben wisely told Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility." The way you wield your physical, positional, and resource power throughout their childhood will shape how much relational power you have to guide them into adulthood. 

parenting plot twist

As your child grows, you will inevitably lose your physical, positional, and resource power. It’s not a glitch—it’s part of the parenting design. The real question comes down to: how well did you use those powers while you had them? Like all powers, parenting is about balance. We can neglect or abuse, be too strict or too lenient, overindulge or over-withhold, —but the sweet spot is in the middle. It’s about finding that perfect blend of guidance, boundaries, and connection.  

So, how’s your power balance? If you want to fine-tune your parenting superpowers and build a strong, lasting connection with your child, let’s talk. I specialize in working with parents, couples, and families at Lifeologie Counseling Allen, Texas and via telehealth. Schedule a session with me today! Call (214) 556-0996 to book an appointment or connect and learn more about my approach.