Calling All Couples
When couples split or even divorce, it can shake us to our core. This is especially true when the relationship has history. Two examples from the celebrity world come to mind. Now, we don’t know, nor do we need to know all the particulars of these situations. But what we can say is that when marriages and other forms of committed relationships end, it can leave us scratching our heads and wondering, “What is happening?”
Most recently we’ve watched Sophie Turner and Nick Jonás file for divorce after four years of marriage and two children. And a beloved couple with even deeper history, Hugh Jackman and wife Deborra-Lee Furness, announced their divorce after 27 years of marriage.
Back to Earth
And you probably don’t have to think too hard to find examples in your own life like those mentioned earlier. What’s even more disorienting and disheartening for couples is trying to navigate their issues from a place of frustration and pain. Issues like infidelity, value differences, communication, etc. Sadly, many couples have tried for far too long to do it by themselves.
The 69% of Relationships
Relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman have found that 69 percent of issues in relationships are unsolvable. This means (WAIT FOR IT)...that there are just some issues in your relationship that won’t get resolved.
Read that again if you need to. (And learn more about the Gottman’s research here.)
Not quite the 99.9% you’ve been conditioned to expect from cleaning products. When I told my wife this, she had the same look of shock and disbelief you probably have right now. Especially if you share her passion to confront issues swiftly and leave no conflict unresolved. But If you’re a glass half full kind of person like me, then you may have thought, “Yay! We can resolve 29 percent of our issues. That’s amazing!”
So, in light of the resolvable 29%, here are three challenges couples can overcome by working with a marriage and family therapist:
- Trust and betrayal issues - These are some of the most difficult problems to overcome. Broken trust and betrayal can involve a range of issues such as infidelity, social media, money, family of origin, etc. Therapy can help you create a map for rebuilding trust and addressing your core needs.
- Lack of emotional connection - Do your devices receive more attention than you’re giving each other right now? I get it. You both want to disconnect and unwind after work but it has now become your ingrained, monotonous pattern. Feeling stuck? You may not be trying to avoid each other but it’s happening. A consequence of this pattern is that your relationship experiences connection deprivation. Therapy can help with identifying the underlying causes and develop strategies to improve your relationship.
- Relationship dream unrealized - You came into your relationship with a picture of what you thought it was going to be but maybe it hasn’t worked out that way. Therapy can help you work through the grief of your lost dream and construct a new vision for a better relationship.
Help for the 100%
Your relationship story is worth working through all of it. Therapy is a proven path to treat relationship issues such as these and more. I specialize in last-ditch couples counseling as well as working with anxiety, addiction, Christian and spiritual counseling, career issues, and men’s issues, with a holistic approach customized for you to treat mind, body and soul. Set up a virtual or in-person appointment with me today or reach out to one of our other skilled, curious, and non-judgmental therapists at Lifeologie Counseling Dallas.
About Tristan Frazier
Tristan Frazier, Licensed Professional Counseling-Associate (LPC-A) and Licensed Professional Marriage and Family Therapy-Associate (LPMFT-A), has a Master’s of Theology (ThM) and a Master of Arts (MA) in Counseling from Dallas Theological Seminary. He specializes in treating anxiety, addiction, anger management, Christian and spiritual counseling, couples, career issues, and men’s issues, and uses a customized holistic approach to treat mind, body and soul including Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SBFT), Person-centered Therapy and Narrative Therapy models tailored to individuals, couples, and families. He works with young adults, individuals, couples and families under the supervision of Lifeologie founder Melanie Wells, LPC-S, LMFT-S, RYT, PYT, at Lifeologie Counseling Dallas.Meet Me