Hi First Year Mamas,
Today I wanted to talk about something pervasive in our mom culture – mom shaming!
Name a parenting topic, and those around you will have an opinion. As a new mom, it can feel overwhelming to potentially have your decisions judged, especially as you are trying to find your mama groove. As studies have shown that the majority of American moms feel criticized for parenting decisions (Newman, 2017), it’s safe to say that you have experienced this before. It can be particularly hurtful when coming from another mom. It can be subtle or blatant, but moms putting other moms down happens all the time. Common feelings involved in mom-shaming are insecurity and guilt. This feels so much more intense right now, as parents are trying to navigate the uncertainty and fear of the pandemic. Grose (2020) points out that when there is a health crisis, we compare ourselves even more to our peers because we are looking for ways to cope. As if the pandemic wasn’t hard enough for new moms!!
Now, this next sentence may not come as a surprise to any of you. We also can mom shame ourselves by comparing and feeling inadequate to those around us! I have a distinct memory of the first time I went out to a Mommy and Me class when my little one was a few months old (and I was only terrified of the flu). After I parked, I spent 15 minutes agonizing over how I should transport my little bundle into the building. Should I put Baby M in a baby wrap or put him in a car seat caddy? Thoughts ran through my head like, “What if the other moms judge me for keeping him in the car seat?” “What if I can’t get him back in the baby wrap at the end of the class?” I kid you not – I was panic calling my sister and contemplated turning around to go home. When I eventually decided to take the car seat caddy, I opened the trunk to realize that I had forgotten it at home. And when I got into the room with other moms, I saw that we all were just trying to get there and get back in one piece. As a quote from one of my favorite books Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts says, “nobody has it all figured out.” It is so easy to feel inadequate when you are trying to figure out who you are as a mom! There is so much pressure from society, others around you, and also from yourself to be perfect. Remember, you are enough. This is especially important to remember in the digital age that we live in. While your favorite Instagram mom might look like they have it all together all the time, you are only viewing the filtered information of their choosing.
At FYM (First Year Mom), we are committed to a safe, non-judgmental space. No mom-shaming allowed! Come connect with new moms trying to figure it out through the FYM Facebook group and weekly live chat. You can also connect with me for individual support by calling Lifeologie Oak Cliff at 972-590-8030 or requesting an appointment here.
You got this Mama!
References
Grose, J. (2020). Mom-Shaming Ourselves. Retrieved August 18, 2020, from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/20/parenting/mom-shaming-social-media.html
Newman, S. (2017). 10 Ways to Deal with Mom-Shaming. Retrieved August 18, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201710/10-ways-deal-mom-shaming
