Self-harm is a term used to describe the act of engaging in a “deliberate injury to oneself”. Used synonymously with the phrase ‘self-injury’, actions that fall under this umbrella are those that are done with the intention of inflicting pain on the body. So many are faced with a vicious cycle of self-harm, secrets, and shame. In order to help ourselves and loved ones experiencing this, understanding the why and how to support in a positive, unbiased way will go a long way.
It is crucial to identify the reason behind self-harm. I have conceptualized self-harm as making the pain make sense. When working through emotional turmoil, it becomes difficult to tangibly understand what is going on in your body and in your mind. Self-harm is an action that has a beginning, an end, and an outcome. It offers a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic and out of reach. Ultimately, self-harm is a way of coping through emotional pain, sadness, anger and distress.
Rooted in punishment, self-harm connects to core beliefs like “I am a bad person” and “I need to be punished”. For those who self-harm there is this essence of feeling that “you deserve it”. There is a need to feel that physical pain or see the tangible mark as a representation of that belief. Once self-harm has occurred, it acts as a temporary reset until the emotion or event we are struggling with bubbles up to the surface again.
Stigma and shame often stand in our way when talking about self-harm. Revealing or getting caught in a self-injurious act can lead to panic and even further verbal or emotional punishment from loved ones. The secret of self-harm becomes the thing that keeps us from asking for help.
I have found that the first thing we need to release when working with self-harm is the shame surrounding the action. We cope in this way for a reason and there is no shame in the desire to soothe ourselves. The less we keep this secret, the more room we have to work through it. There is a reason and root to all action. The more we hide away from truths, the longer it has a hold over us.
Harm reduction techniques are key to providing support. The more self-harm is openly discussed and fully understood, the less power this action has over us. Listed below are a few approaches that can be used to support prevention of self-harm.
We need to be able to talk about self-harm in order to help. The action can be scary, but the telling of it does not have to be. Release the shame, release the guilt--that is how we make the path toward healing.