4 Ways To Befriend Your Emotions

If you took one look at the headline and thought, “You can’t be friends with your feelings—those aren’t people, that’s just odd,” you’re not alone. But let’s hit pause and consider a new angle together. Think of someone you know who has trouble keeping their cool and ends up yelling, or someone who turns to food or alcohol when stress or anxiety creeps in. Maybe you know a person who’s super logical, keeps emotions at arm’s length, and struggles to show compassion—perhaps that even sounds a little familiar. All of these are signs of a complicated relationship with our feelings, and they’re more common than you might think.

You’ve probably heard phrases like “Toughen up” or “Just suck it up.” It’s common, especially for men or people in professions like first responders or engineers, to feel pressure to swap emotion for action—quick thinking is prized, and feelings sometimes get sidelined. But here’s the truth: our emotions are not the enemy. When we ignore or suppress them, they don’t disappear—they just show up louder later.

So, the next time you catch yourself wanting to escape an uncomfortable feeling, try experimenting with these strategies instead:

1. Get Curious About Your Emotions

When we’re distressed, our first instinct is often to run from those emotions. But what if we paused and approached them with curiosity instead? Feelings, as uncomfortable as they can be, carry valuable information about what we need. Imagine a student who’s just switched schools and finds himself feeling isolated and disconnected. That sting of loneliness isn’t pointless—it’s his brain nudging him to seek connection and make new friends. If he ignores that signal, the loneliness might hang around much longer. So start by asking: “What is this feeling asking of me?”

2. name it to tame it

Ever heard the phrase “name it to tame it”? It’s a tool advocated by psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel, and it’s surprisingly effective. Intense emotions like anger, shame, or guilt can feel overwhelming—but when you put a label on them (“I am feeling anxious” rather than “I am anxious”), you automatically create some breathing room. You’re reminding yourself this emotion is an experience, not an identity. Beating yourself up for simply having emotions only makes them stick around longer. Instead, give your feeling a name and notice how it starts to lose some of its power.

3. breathe, step back, and respond wisely

Getting curious and naming your feelings often helps dial down their intensity, but sometimes, you might need to express those emotions in a healthy way. Take anger, for instance. It’s normal, and sometimes it’s necessary: it can clue us in when our boundaries are being crossed. Let’s imagine John, who always finds himself on the receiving end of his friends’ pranks. One day, John finally blows up—he yells and hurls insults, and the friendship falls apart. But what if John had paused, taken a deep breath, and calmly told his friends the pranks were making him feel targeted? Maybe the rules of the game would have changed, and so would the outcome. A little space between feeling and reacting can be the difference between conflict and connection.

4. channel your feelings

Sometimes, feelings need an outlet—think of artists who turn awe into art, or athletes who fuel their workouts with frustration before a comeback moment. Maybe journaling would help you get your thoughts on paper, or perhaps hiking, singing, or even knitting could keep you grounded when emotions run high. Explore what works for you, and lean into activities that bring you back to yourself when life feels overwhelming.

These are just a few of the tools and techniques Lifeologie Counseling therapists use in their practice for clients who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and feelings of not fitting in, especially socially or culturally. Are you interested in learning more ways to regulate your emotions, build resilience, and forge healthy relationships? Find a therapist near you at wefixbrains.com.