7 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship
A frog dropped suddenly into boiling water will hop out immediately. But the same frog in slowly heating water does not perceive its increasing danger. Similarly, the hidden signs of an abusive relationship are like slowly heating water, and they are easy to overlook when coming from a skilled manipulator.
Ample research is available about how loved ones can be on the lookout for the warning signs of abuse. But for those who find themselves experiencing intimate partner violence, hidden signs are not as overtly obvious.
Is your gut telling you to pay attention?
Here are 7 hidden signs you may be in an abusive relationship:
1. Constantly Walking on Eggshells
People who previously considered themselves outspoken find themselves biting their tongue to not rock the boat if it might upset the abusive partner. This often accompanies a foreboding sense in your gut that is almost impossible to ignore.
2. Silent Rage
“Is everything okay?”
“You know what you did, don’t talk to me!”
This is a tricky one. When an abusive partner says, “you know what you did,” it removes accountability and communication, and leaves the other partner emotionally exhausted while replaying every minute of the day trying to see where they “went wrong.”
3. Family Dynamics
Abusive partners constantly try to isolate their partner, and oftentimes, talk badly about their family, disguising it with language like “they do not understand you like I do,” or “I can’t believe they treat you like that.” On the other hand, sometimes an abuser will be overbearing and over-the-top loving and involved with their partner's family. If the abused victim tells their family the truth of the relationship, the abuser is hoping their family will say, “What?! They are the best! We could never see them being that way.”
4. Demanding and Accusing
Abusers will insist they need all of your attention. If their partner is in a meeting, or unavailable, this can open a barrage of insults, and the abuser will often use accusatory language, like “You were on a date with another person!”or “Who did you go home with?”
5. Belittling Your Accomplishments
Achievement and happy accomplishments are the bane of an abuser in a relationship; they want to be the only source of your happiness. This often leads to criticism. For example,
“I got a promotion at work!”
“That’s because you flirt with everyone.”
SO, to avoid this, it’s common for partners to not share or downplay their own accomplishments to not rock the boat and face the anger.
6. Needing External Validation It’s typical for abusive partners to put on a show, and thrive off validation from others. This looks like, “You two make a beautiful couple, you must be so happy.” The abusive partner feeds on this while the other partner is left thinking, “if only they knew what they were like behind closed doors.”
7. Establishing Control
An abusive partner loves showing their partner they are in control of their life. It is common for abusive partners to scare their partner, especially in potentially dangerous situations, such as driving the car. Erratic driving is a way for controlling partners to reinforce their power or leave their partner somewhere, and naturally, the partner is so relieved to see them again, they often forget about their fear because they are just happy to feel safe again.
I specialize in working with adults and adolescents who are suffering from stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and major conflicts in their lives and relationships. If you’d like to connect with me at Lifeologie Counseling Dallas, click Request An Appointment above or call 214 357 4001 to learn more about my approach. Outside of Texas, you can connect with one of our Lifeologie therapists who specialize in counseling victims of intimate partner violence and trauma.
It is important to remember your own morals and values, so dig deep! It is scary, it is hard, but remember that you are loved, and you are capable of a healthy & happy love that is free of turmoil, emotional exhaustion, and losing complete sight of yourself!
Here are some more resources I often share with my Dallas clients who may be experiencing intimate partner violence or emotional abuse:
Genesis Women’s Shelter & Support
Anywhere, anytime you are concerned about your physical or emotional safety, you can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline online, call 1 800 799 SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788.
About Emma Butler
Emma Butler works with adults and adolescents who may be enduring stress and anxiety or going through major life changes, relationship conflicts, and career issues. She practices therapy at Lifeologie Counseling Dallas through a positive lens and believes that many of the challenges clients face emanate from feelings of discouragement, or coping strategies that are no longer effective. She embraces warmth, kindness, and authenticity as the foundation to a therapeutic relationship.
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